Distorted Self-Worth Perceptions Oooh. Big scary title. Hm, yeah. So, over the past school year, this has just been coming up, and I had to get it out, because I think this is a pretty large thing that goes around, and I don't think anyone really notices (or maybe just is bothered by) it. Anyway. To get to my point.
Why do so many girls base a large portion of their self-woth on whether or not they have a boyfriend or sex life? And why am I bothered by this fact? And does this fact actually exist? Am I just immature?
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
--35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.-- BEST ONE!!
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying "How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."
64. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
65. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
69. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window "the British are coming!!!"
